One of my favorite things is giving a room full of people permission to practice treating each other like jerks. I guess that makes me the Jerry Springer of leadership training.
During the Approachable Leadership Workshop that’s exactly what we ask leaders to do (don’t worry, we ask them to practice approachable behavior too). They get to pick the most unapproachable things they can dream up and then do them to their coworkers.
You see some truly amazing behavior during that exercise. And the sad part is most people don’t have to dream up their behavior. They simply pull it from their own real-life experiences of unapproachable leaders.
At this point I’ve seen more than a thousand people channel their best “bad boss” impersonation. Here are the 7 most unapproachable behaviors of them all:
- Giving The Finger: This classic was the go-to move of the worst supervisor I’ve ever seen (which is saying something). Just put your hand in the “we’re number one” position and as soon as the employee enters your peripheral vision stick it in their face. You may as well be using a different finger.
- Please Hold: Answering a call (or worse, multiple calls) while someone is trying to talk to you is one of the more egregious moves. You get bonus points if the call you take is not work related or remotely important. Nothing says, “your petty problems are beneath me” like taking a call from your buddy about where you are watching the game this weekend.
- Social Media Sensation: Failing to make eye contact is unapproachable. Failing to make eye contact because you can’t stop looking for even one second at your Facebook feed? That’s the kind of behavior that gets you into the unapproachable hall of fame.
- That’s How “Eye” Roll: Another classic move is the “oh God, not you again” eye roll. To make the top seven you have to combine a big eye roll with a loudly audible sigh. This is a great way to express contempt for others.
- Multitasker: This is a combination move. Take a phone call, then answer an email (be sure to make it thorough so your target can admire your slow typing skills). After that jot off a text to someone. Bonus points if you interrupt the person to ask them for spelling help or to hold something for you while you look for a pen.
- What’s in a Name? Don’t ever use the person’s first name or even acknowledge that you’ve met them before. Even worse, call them by the wrong name or ask someone who’s worked for you for 2 years, “who are you again?”
- Deaf and Dumb: Nothing says “I really don’t care one bit about you” quite like asking them to repeat their gut-wrenching time off for a funeral request over and over again. Let them finish the whole story, then look up from your phone and say, “Wait a minute, what? What do you want again? Can you repeat that?” Then promptly go back to texting while they repeat the story for a third time.
We don’t practice unapproachable behavior just to have fun. It’s actually based on some amazing family therapy interventions.
Practicing doing things wrong (and then how to do them right) is a great way to learn. You get to see and feel ineffective and idea behavior. This helps you understand that you are capable of both, and that you have the choice to be approachable or not. You get better at coaching others too.
The Recognize Approachability Tool from The ROI of Approachable Leaders is designed to help leaders recognize these behaviors in themselves and others. I hope you have had a chance to check it out.
Have you experienced any of these 7 most unapproachable behaviors? Are there any you’ve seen that you think should be on the list? Please share your experiences on LinkedIn. Be sure to use #ApproachableLeadership
